Reality TV Just Got (More) Exciting

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Apr 15, 2021
co-written with Phil Morton

Just when you thought Reality TV had peaked with excitement, and celebrity pedicures and real-time-trucking was enough to keep you on the edge of your seat, watch as the most brilliant creative minds in television put the “E” back in Reality Entertainment just in time to spice things up for the post-pandemic year!

These inspiring and “out of the box” choices are sure to keep even the most resolved “I’m getting out of the house!” vaccinated folks chained to their couches rather than working off those unwanted pounds!

1) Loud People in Line
Network: BRAVO
Pitch: You’ve seen ‘em, you’ve heard ‘em, and you’ve wished you could hit ‘em. Now you can stand with them! And watch how they wear down even the most tolerant with their substandard intelligence.
Memorable line(s): “Hey the line was long yesterday too! Did you see that line? But not like two days ago. This line is so long. Did you see Wednesday’s line?”

2) Who Didn’t Flush?
Network: A&E
Imagine the hi jinks as housemates have to identify the thoughtless person of the day from the solid evidence left behind! Diet, eating patterns and smell are just some of the fun tools used by these amateur sleuths.
Memorable lines: “Poke it with a stick!”

3) Waxing the Stars?
Network: FOX
Pitch: Sure you’ve seen them slide across the stage when they dance and strut, but how do they stay so smooth and hairless when those high kicks have to count? Ludmilla and Hanz are just two of the Brazilian waxing experts who discuss their defoliation techniques using wax, gaffer’s tape, tweezers and sometimes crazy glue on Popsicle sticks.
Memorable lines: “…sometimes the forest is thicker downstairs than upstairs; don’t get me started..!”

4) Put More Stuff in Your Pants
Network: TMC
Imagine biggest loser inside out and backwards! Normal people stuff as many of the things they collect in their lives directly into their pants and must then proceed through their day as if nothing were wrong. Wait until you see the dance teacher and the swim instructor!
Memorable lines: “I think I sat on my cat!”

5) Cramps
Network: Food Network
Pitch: Gas from overeating? Loose stools? Maybe it’s that time of the month? If you have cramps, then we want you! Watch as people in discomfort solve problems under pressure in a short time frame. Follow host Miguel Halfmast as he pushes people in discomfort through hedge mazes, returning items to Wal-Mart and waiting to get a person from the DMV on the phone.

6) Can You Suck It Through A Straw?
Network: SPIKE
Mike, Tina and Molly, young roommates, accept the challenge to only survive by ingesting every meal through a straw. If they can’t suck it, they can’t eat it!
Memorable lines: “I didn’t’ realize there were so many solids in the world.”

7) Kardashian Left Overs
Network: O
Chef Ryan Guyer is forced to march through poor neighborhoods every morning and collect leftovers as raw material for the entire menu of his Times Square restaurant that day, first sampled by legendary celebrities.
Memorable lines: “I’m going to make this old turkey bologna sing!”

8) Ship That Box
Network: TRAVEL
Watch in delight as we follow a box that gets shipped from New Jersey to Oregon in real time. Filmed in real conditions, where often there is no light and little sound; crew members spare no expense or hardship as they stay with the box at all times, at all altitudes and temperatures, night and day, in trucks, planes and trains.
Memorable lines: There is no dialogue.